However…

On Monday I was assaulted and slightly battered by a man who thinks that only gays should be in gay bars and that integration with society is wrong. The man was bullying my boyfriend about being on his laptop in the bar and went as far as pining him against the wall and yelling at him. I intervened and told the guy whatever he believes in his own time is his business but he will respect everyone in the 5 Star.Then he went nuts and slammed me to the ground.  I have pressed charges against him and plan to see it though that he gets what he deserves.

The idea that gays are a separate or “superior” group that should remain insular from “heterosexual” influence is bullshit. We want all these rights and equal treatment but want to be separate from society still? No! You don’t get that! Acting like the gay Black Panthers (Pink Panthers?) is going to achieve nothing! You are trying to push back the clock simply so you can once again engage in your unsafe backroom behavior that was commonplace back when gay bars were so secretive and exclusive. Die in a fire!

As for the man who assaulted me in MY OWN BAR: I will take you as far as I can in the court system and I hope they throw the damn book at you! You give gay a bad name and give people a bad name. Good luck scum.

Side notes: Boyfriend and I will be moving in together this coming Monday; I need more work; The First Season of Star Trek TNG was about sex mainly;Tasha Yar is a slut.

Now 3 weeks later large words have entered into my life. Words like Monogamy and Commitment.

It’s not as bad as it sounds.

The guy in question is named Adam. We met 4 or 5 years ago and that did not go so well (he has just turned 21 and I had just broken up with the hobbit) 3 weeks ago we met up at 5 Star by random chance (I am guessing anyways). A series of dates and events ensued within 3 weeks and now I find myself in a capital R Relationship.

I know what you are thinking.

The point is him and I are playing this by ear. We are exploring a lot of new things both in and out of bed (the heavy emphasis of bed exploration is why the Monogamy thing came up and was ratified by the congress of my brain). We have no concrete long term plans or ideas and we are doing…well…whatever we want.

So here we are….

Let’s see what happens.

Titan Quest: This game I picked up as a suggestion from several websites of a Diablo clone that is actually good. You can imagine my skepticism as Diablo clones have rarely been of any kind of quality as they seem to exist to capitalize on the…

(2 weeks later)

success that Diablo and Diablo 2 had by trying to emulate them as much as possible…usually resulting in a terrible game. Titan Quest however seems to have tried to use it’s own particular blend of class-based mass combat and makes it it’s own. It does well and makes for an entertaining distraction from everything else in the world.

Star Trek Online:

This is a truly 50/50 game. So I will lay down the plus and minus in a bullet point style

+ Best Space Combat system ever, very innovated and interactive.

+ Star Trek feel is retained

+ Well written missions

+ Wide Variety of Customization Options

+ Nemoy

- Lack of later level content.

-Klingon Faction only good if into PVP

- Heavy Maintenance at odd hours.

- No Cardassian faction

- PVP very one sided (Klingon)

Well that is about it, there has been more going on in my life as of late but I will cover that hopefully very soon.

There was a point when I had accepted her as just an entity in the world of Popmusicland that like so many in that desolate plane I have no desire to listen to and wouldn’t give it a second thought if her music was playing or not. Hell Britney, Rihanna, Janet Jackson, most of the Black Eyed Peas and many many others have been on this list for years. Gaga is a fairly recent addition to the roster and when I explain to people I don’t care for these “artists” and for pop music in general they are a bit shocked but they understand…

Not so with Gaga, her fans are rabid ferrets in heat (like her) and refuse to accept the fact that somebody, especially a fellow homosexual, does not care for the current Pop Dictator and would rather listen to his industrial or in fact anything else besides. If there isn’t Gaga playing on the jukebox or being played 6 hours non stop by the DJ they get antsy and start to complain about the general lack of empty music calories in their lives. Of course the people I am referring to are peppy girls and fags, 2 of my least favorite groups in existence.  The more this Gaga-fascist music theory goes on the more I think it’s time for actual fascism with lining these people up in the streets and shooting them for their lack of taste.

I have heard legend of the 80’s when gays had taste in music and they would go out of there way to find the obscure underground of music and worship it as their New Wave god. What happened? Was it the fact that gays are more in the public eye? Is it the fault of Will and Grace? What?!?

An example of how bad it grates on me: The other day a group of Gaga freaks comes into the bar and starts the non-stop Gaga on the Jukebox. I have cash on me for a Jukebox interrupt so I put it in and try to decide what I want to really hear and what will piss them off to no end. I choose Eminem. Now I don’t care much for Eminem as I don’t understand that genre of music that much but dammit it was what was called for as I sat in bliss thinking of the scrawny white rapper beating the shit out of this freaky little bitch.

In finale: Lady Gaga is a copy of artist far greater than she will ever be, namely David Bowie and Peaches. She has used connections and a fake bondage image to rocket herself to the top of the hearts and minds of faggots, drunk bitches and tonedeaf popites who like way to much reverb.

To Gaga and her fans: Fuck off and develop some appreciation for actual music. If you can’t do that please die in a fire.

Side note: I have ceased using tags in my blog. Honestly I am not sure the point behind them in this instance since I am not providing any information that people would necessarily want to search out. (Except for maybe the Steve Elegant tags). Either way no more tags for you.

As of this week a back and forth myspace email conversation has taken place between me and Mike (for those of you who don’t know Mike is the current boyfriend of my deaf hobbit ex Mark) the conversation has been vague and the reasoning to why he would speak to me after the bad blood between me and Mark (and even the slightly awkward blood between me and Mike himself) is beyond my scope of influence. It is perhaps a random thing or perhaps I have come along at an interesting time. He keeps mentioning change and “Great Leap Forward”, perhaps he has come to some of the same realizations that I had so long ago in regards to both Mark and life in general. Perhaps it is a desire to clean his slate. Perhaps “It’s a Trap!” however there are very few handholds left on the road into my brain and heart (soul?) so this course of action would be very poorly planned if the Deathstar is actually operational.   Right now I watch with bemused interest as to how this scenario will unfold as I am not directly involved in the play that might or might not unfold at this point.

Regarding Work: Faggots are silly creatures especially when they get booze in them. I lose my patience with them in very short order. They are at the point where they are trying to figure out my limits on how far they can push me and the rules. They are learning though I don’t put up with much and I won’t hesitate to remove them if they push too far. Sometimes I wish life was more like TRON. If someone pushes me in real life I would love to be able to banish them into the game grid.
Finally: My only real concern is that no new connections are being formed by me and other people these days. The list of people who have entered my life in any form and remained for more than a month or two has dried up. A lot of old connections get reformed but they are predictable. Not that it’s a bad thing in some cases but in all honesty I would like to form at least 1 new connection this year. We shall see.

End of Line

I know when…

After 2 years with Mark and realizing that what I felt when I was 20 was my fairy tale prince was a deaf hobbit that I couldn’t stand being around. It was a large amount of cold water in my face and I work up to the reality that wanting a relationship to work was not the be all end all of a relationship working. There had to be something there that I value and something that I could trust.

I value Cole….as much as I really want to blow this off as a stupid thing and not take a look within myself, I have to. Cole I think I really valued as a human being and possibly had romantic love for. Well no matter if what I thought was true was true or not, I screwed that up and didn’t give a chance to prove anyone right about anything. Maybe it could have continued and gone on for a long while and perhaps not. We’ll never really know because I went out of my way to be spiteful and hateful when I should have calmly explained myself and talked it out as any sane person would do. Then again I am not sane, I think though this is common knowledge and people have learned how to deal with it. I have I think.

Perhaps this reflection and my apologies for being so hateful will mean nothing. Perhaps it will change nothing, but at least something hit me hard enough that I can actually take a look into myself and realize that i don’t care for what I see right now. Not that this is the first time I have done so but maybe this time it will stick.

Then again…

I think there is a part of me that really likes this back and forth, this rage and repentance cycle. It is a roller coaster ride that is better and cheaper than any drug on the market (with the exception of Acid). It helps and hurts me and continues on my lifetime cycle of being a villain who repents and then resumes his villainous activities down the line. I like being Gul Dukat. I like helping Major Kira and then betraying the Federation and joining the Dominion. It’s a thrill, especially when you know that it will end with you being wrestled into a chasm of fire and destroyed! It’s sexy and it’s hot!

So YES! I might learn something from all this but then again I might not and repeat the cycle over and over again! Because you and I on the same side Major? It never felt right. I like being the villain because it is necessary!

Bring it on all you Sisko’s out there! I got a date with you in the Fire Caves and I don’t want to be late!

I felt bad about this for about a moment, I was kind of sad then I realized that my emotional investment was minimal, the sex was mediocre and the only true shame of it was that he thinks that I am stupid enough to fall for the same trick twice. I have caused serious emotional damage to people for much much less.

So to Cole, if you ever come across this blog remember, No one retires.

Maybe it is all in my head and I’m just over thinking things. It wouldn’t be the first time. I have a strong tendency to see a dagger and a conspiracy at every turn. The problem is that 1/4 of the time I am right! There is something going on and nobody is telling me anything! Then the other 3/4 of the time I am just making stuff out of nothing and it’s killing both my internal feelings and my outside relationships!

On top of it all it’s winter, where I am my most moody and skeptical. The cold and the general emotions I pick up off of people make me depressed, crazy and hard to interact with! This is nothing new. I took a look at my friend Arthur’s blog** from December and January of 2007/2008 and it makes me out of be a psychopath, which look at the situation is entirely accurate. Then I look a the spring summer and fall ones from 2008 and I am one of the more amazing and fun people he has interacted with! Winter makes me crazy!

All of  this really wouldn’t matter at all except for the fact that I honestly think that Cole is someone I am compatible  with. I really like him not only sexually but socially and emotionally.  So I either need to be proven right or get over my hangups. So here is me writing my feelings into this electronic vacuum read only by the ones I feel need to know and the random passerby.

And I’ve seen it before.
* A.J. was an ex of mine from a year and a half ago approx. that stole 80 dollars from me, most like to by the crack he started doing a couple of months into our relationship. Don’t steal from me kids.

** www.retroviral.net

Classified Items: Progress is currently Classified. Level 9-A and/or 9-B clearance is required to access these Progress Reports.

Niggers from Mars and all other music projects: Currently Steve Elegant and his computer are out of commission, due to video card issues so all projects are currently on hold until the filthy Muppet can get his shit together (ETA: 2525)

5 Star Projects: Currently progressing well. Should be up to modern time by mid-January.

Now for something completely different….

Currently I have been approached again by Cole. By accident mainly. He was in the 5 Star last night with a friend as I was working. We exchanged contact info again and started texting each other.  Then he came back to the bar a bit later and gave me my first kiss of the new year. Now lets set the wayback machine to about a year ago. Cole and I had started dating until I noticed that he stated on his myspace that he was dating another. I confronted him and he got angry and we parted ways, in a less than amicable way. Now again he returns with interest in dating. I will admit that the interest is there, however there is a lot of trust issues to repair. I will give him a chance but I am wary of anything that seems out of place. He states that he wasn’t dating and that it was a defense mechanism. I am not sure if I believe that but am willing to put it on the shelf. The 21 year old from Denmark may indeed redeem himself, especially with his willingness to keep things casual for now.

That puts the other 2 I have any interest in not necessarily on the chopping block. Ryan perhaps is the most likely to get cut down to just a social interaction, mainly due to the fact that he lives in Sacramento and I have no interest in living their again. Brandon is pretty much just a lunch date and fun social interaction at this point. Despite these two points however, I am not quite ready to say that they are set in stone as “just friends”, the world is a constant stream of possibility and I will not discount anything just because it seems improbable.

and now…..

New Years at 5 Star was crazy and successful. Much money was made and business was good. I am still drained from all of it though and defiantly have appreciated the slowness of last night. Security-wise we had little trouble this year despite the large numbers of people which I think is a good reflection on our clientele and their ability to behave themselves. It is unfortunate that the El Cortez cannot say the same….

Speaking of which…

I am done with the El Cortez. They completely have alienated the Karaoke crowd that comes down to sing and treats us like shit. So fuck them. I will not give them a positive recommendation to anyone again, in fact I will ensure that people who value my opinion avoid that shithole like the plague.  Tim if you are reading this I am sorry but I know you are in general agreement with me anyways so I hope this is not too big of a smack in the face.

So Happy New Year to all my social degenerates and madpeople. Let’s make this year the best/worst in history.

Imperialism NOW!

My Birthday has passed I am now 26..

The birthday was rather fun in a “I’m too drunk to give a fuck about you silly queens” way. Several of my friends came down to the 5 Star and bought me booze. Lots of booze. So I was wasted for most of it. I recall that there were a lot of Mad Max references and toasts to being older but not as old as Steve. Towards the end of it the person who is having an affair with me arrived and we went over to his place. That exploded in a very interesting way. If you want the details please ask me. Despite popular rumor I do respect some peoples feelings and will not publicly slander these people.  Needless to say it was dramatically funny.

Christmas Eve was a dinner/breakfast with my parents. Then I came down to the 5 Star and watched an interesting set of circumstances unfold. First off there were these really cute guys at the bar. A little too cocky for my taste but my friend and manager Jay was interested (and dammit he deserved it, dare I say needs it) so he strikes up some small talk with them. Then, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, without warning, Scotty the Bartender swoops down and totally cockblocks Jay! Scotty already has a boyfriend thing and gets more than enough sex. Scotty is a greedy bitch! Unfortunately Scotty was not the only interested party in these kids.

Backstory: Halloween 2008. There was a lot of Woodchuck Cider on tap and I was the most smashed I’ve even been without vomiting in my life. I was also in heat. The first person I fixated on were Spencer and his boyfriend, whom I only knew in passing. We ended up going back to their place and having a 3 some. I was so drunk I have no idea if it was good or not, either way they never spoke to me again except in passing.

Now back to the story.

Spenser and his posse comes in and immediately attaches themselves to the boys. From the look in their eyes they were fucked up on E. They were trying to molest and suck on the boys as much as they could. One of the boys was really not amused by this. It got to the point where the posse was trying to lure the boys with promises of drugs and illicit activities back to their apartment. The one boy wanted nothing to do with it. Finally Spenser got really pushy (or rather pully as he was trying to pull the boy out of the bar) and the kid yelled at him and threatened him with bodily harm. At this point it’s past Midnight so Merry Christmas! Jay was still cockblocked and Scotty was still a greedy bitch but Christmas justice was laid out against a bunch of 30 and 40 somethings fucked up on drugs!

New Years upcoming projects:

1. Resolution: I will no longer have an internal monologue period. I will speak my mind no matter what. It will either be the most amazing year ever or I will get shot!

2. AIP: Classified

3. Monday’s: Graveyard shift at the 5 Star (soon to be manned by Nathan) will be attempting a Goth/Industrial music night. This is not the first time we have made this attempt. The goths/rivetheads in this town are fickle and whine too much. However we feel that this year might be a good time to make the attempt again. We shall see.

4. Game Project: Classified

5. DJ Executive Orders: S9 clearance required for information on this project.

In Conclusion: This year sucked, maybe next year will suck less. On the plus side I am now the weekend door security for the 5 Star. Go me! December is coming to a close. Praise be to the Prophets!