Really Rich Italian Satanists

Ok I am officially completely ready to go out and find Lady Gaga and bludgeon her to death with the Peaches discography while screaming “YOU HAVE NO TALENT!”

There was a point when I had accepted her as just an entity in the world of Popmusicland that like so many in that desolate plane I have no desire to listen to and wouldn’t give it a second thought if her music was playing or not. Hell Britney, Rihanna, Janet Jackson, most of the Black Eyed Peas and many many others have been on this list for years. Gaga is a fairly recent addition to the roster and when I explain to people I don’t care for these “artists” and for pop music in general they are a bit shocked but they understand…

Not so with Gaga, her fans are rabid ferrets in heat (like her) and refuse to accept the fact that somebody, especially a fellow homosexual, does not care for the current Pop Dictator and would rather listen to his industrial or in fact anything else besides. If there isn’t Gaga playing on the jukebox or being played 6 hours non stop by the DJ they get antsy and start to complain about the general lack of empty music calories in their lives. Of course the people I am referring to are peppy girls and fags, 2 of my least favorite groups in existence.  The more this Gaga-fascist music theory goes on the more I think it’s time for actual fascism with lining these people up in the streets and shooting them for their lack of taste.

I have heard legend of the 80’s when gays had taste in music and they would go out of there way to find the obscure underground of music and worship it as their New Wave god. What happened? Was it the fact that gays are more in the public eye? Is it the fault of Will and Grace? What?!?

An example of how bad it grates on me: The other day a group of Gaga freaks comes into the bar and starts the non-stop Gaga on the Jukebox. I have cash on me for a Jukebox interrupt so I put it in and try to decide what I want to really hear and what will piss them off to no end. I choose Eminem. Now I don’t care much for Eminem as I don’t understand that genre of music that much but dammit it was what was called for as I sat in bliss thinking of the scrawny white rapper beating the shit out of this freaky little bitch.

In finale: Lady Gaga is a copy of artist far greater than she will ever be, namely David Bowie and Peaches. She has used connections and a fake bondage image to rocket herself to the top of the hearts and minds of faggots, drunk bitches and tonedeaf popites who like way to much reverb.

To Gaga and her fans: Fuck off and develop some appreciation for actual music. If you can’t do that please die in a fire.

The past seems to come back and when it does I am the gateway to some of the more interesting interactions I’ve had in awhile.  After the Cole thing I needed someone to call and vent to. I ended up calling Kevin* and he invited me over to vent. Well I vented a lot and after a very heartfelt vent him and I ended up in bed together. The sex with Kevin is great honestly, very interactive and full of making out. Since then we have been talking again, we are leaving it up in the air but we are both in agreement that we keep ending up in a situation where we are sleeping with each other and will explore the options that can go with that. Each time him and I have broken up it hasn’t been a big drama filled thing, it was more just a fall apart failure to launch type thing.

Side note: I have ceased using tags in my blog. Honestly I am not sure the point behind them in this instance since I am not providing any information that people would necessarily want to search out. (Except for maybe the Steve Elegant tags). Either way no more tags for you.

As of this week a back and forth myspace email conversation has taken place between me and Mike (for those of you who don’t know Mike is the current boyfriend of my deaf hobbit ex Mark) the conversation has been vague and the reasoning to why he would speak to me after the bad blood between me and Mark (and even the slightly awkward blood between me and Mike himself) is beyond my scope of influence. It is perhaps a random thing or perhaps I have come along at an interesting time. He keeps mentioning change and “Great Leap Forward”, perhaps he has come to some of the same realizations that I had so long ago in regards to both Mark and life in general. Perhaps it is a desire to clean his slate. Perhaps “It’s a Trap!” however there are very few handholds left on the road into my brain and heart (soul?) so this course of action would be very poorly planned if the Deathstar is actually operational.   Right now I watch with bemused interest as to how this scenario will unfold as I am not directly involved in the play that might or might not unfold at this point.

Regarding Work: Faggots are silly creatures especially when they get booze in them. I lose my patience with them in very short order. They are at the point where they are trying to figure out my limits on how far they can push me and the rules. They are learning though I don’t put up with much and I won’t hesitate to remove them if they push too far. Sometimes I wish life was more like TRON. If someone pushes me in real life I would love to be able to banish them into the game grid.
Finally: My only real concern is that no new connections are being formed by me and other people these days. The list of people who have entered my life in any form and remained for more than a month or two has dried up. A lot of old connections get reformed but they are predictable. Not that it’s a bad thing in some cases but in all honesty I would like to form at least 1 new connection this year. We shall see.

End of Line

I think it’s time I take a good hard look at myself. Perhaps I am paranoid and judgmental of other people. Perhaps I am too keen to push away when I feel like I am threatened. Perhaps I have a very short fuse and get angry way too easily. When did this happen? I used to be the eternal optimist about the future.  I would look at the current situation and be real about it yes but when I thought of the future it was a bright myriad of possibility and potential. When did I become this combination of Odo and Gul Dukat (Thought I would throw in a DS9 reference there.)?

I know when…

After 2 years with Mark and realizing that what I felt when I was 20 was my fairy tale prince was a deaf hobbit that I couldn’t stand being around. It was a large amount of cold water in my face and I work up to the reality that wanting a relationship to work was not the be all end all of a relationship working. There had to be something there that I value and something that I could trust.

I value Cole….as much as I really want to blow this off as a stupid thing and not take a look within myself, I have to. Cole I think I really valued as a human being and possibly had romantic love for. Well no matter if what I thought was true was true or not, I screwed that up and didn’t give a chance to prove anyone right about anything. Maybe it could have continued and gone on for a long while and perhaps not. We’ll never really know because I went out of my way to be spiteful and hateful when I should have calmly explained myself and talked it out as any sane person would do. Then again I am not sane, I think though this is common knowledge and people have learned how to deal with it. I have I think.

Perhaps this reflection and my apologies for being so hateful will mean nothing. Perhaps it will change nothing, but at least something hit me hard enough that I can actually take a look into myself and realize that i don’t care for what I see right now. Not that this is the first time I have done so but maybe this time it will stick.

Then again…

I think there is a part of me that really likes this back and forth, this rage and repentance cycle. It is a roller coaster ride that is better and cheaper than any drug on the market (with the exception of Acid). It helps and hurts me and continues on my lifetime cycle of being a villain who repents and then resumes his villainous activities down the line. I like being Gul Dukat. I like helping Major Kira and then betraying the Federation and joining the Dominion. It’s a thrill, especially when you know that it will end with you being wrestled into a chasm of fire and destroyed! It’s sexy and it’s hot!

So YES! I might learn something from all this but then again I might not and repeat the cycle over and over again! Because you and I on the same side Major? It never felt right. I like being the villain because it is necessary!

Bring it on all you Sisko’s out there! I got a date with you in the Fire Caves and I don’t want to be late!

Well, Cole was exactly the same as he was before. No surprises there. If you are going to attempt to insult my intelligence and play me, don’t use the same play twice. Also don’t make you “ex” boyfriend accessible to contact through whatever social network I happen to come across and finally don’t try to become angry and accusatory when I catch you. Ya I a pissed at this insult and he should be glad that he is as much of a recluse as my ex Mark because if he had a public life it would become very uncomfortable really fast. I am already sticking it to him in my own little way. No one retires from Phantom Limb’s Shit List!

I felt bad about this for about a moment, I was kind of sad then I realized that my emotional investment was minimal, the sex was mediocre and the only true shame of it was that he thinks that I am stupid enough to fall for the same trick twice. I have caused serious emotional damage to people for much much less.

So to Cole, if you ever come across this blog remember, No one retires.

Ok…it’s only been a couple of weeks since Cole and I started dating again. We dated once before and it turned out poorly but we’ve done more together and generally been closer so far. We had a night at the Atlantis Casino in a hotel room and had fun both inside and outside the hotel room. We’ve had more positive conversations and I’d like to feel things are different. But I still feel like there is something that he really isn’t telling me.  Not so much that he is per se being deceptive, but I feel that there is something that isn’t quite right.  Perhaps I am a bit paranoid and haven’t been very trusting of people since the whole “A.J.” incident* but unless he either comes out with something or I learn that I need to just let things flow how they do I feel like there is this thin wall between him and I.

Maybe it is all in my head and I’m just over thinking things. It wouldn’t be the first time. I have a strong tendency to see a dagger and a conspiracy at every turn. The problem is that 1/4 of the time I am right! There is something going on and nobody is telling me anything! Then the other 3/4 of the time I am just making stuff out of nothing and it’s killing both my internal feelings and my outside relationships!

On top of it all it’s winter, where I am my most moody and skeptical. The cold and the general emotions I pick up off of people make me depressed, crazy and hard to interact with! This is nothing new. I took a look at my friend Arthur’s blog** from December and January of 2007/2008 and it makes me out of be a psychopath, which look at the situation is entirely accurate. Then I look a the spring summer and fall ones from 2008 and I am one of the more amazing and fun people he has interacted with! Winter makes me crazy!

All of  this really wouldn’t matter at all except for the fact that I honestly think that Cole is someone I am compatible  with. I really like him not only sexually but socially and emotionally.  So I either need to be proven right or get over my hangups. So here is me writing my feelings into this electronic vacuum read only by the ones I feel need to know and the random passerby.

And I’ve seen it before.
* A.J. was an ex of mine from a year and a half ago approx. that stole 80 dollars from me, most like to by the crack he started doing a couple of months into our relationship. Don’t steal from me kids.

** www.retroviral.net

First off a Project Update:

Classified Items: Progress is currently Classified. Level 9-A and/or 9-B clearance is required to access these Progress Reports.

Niggers from Mars and all other music projects: Currently Steve Elegant and his computer are out of commission, due to video card issues so all projects are currently on hold until the filthy Muppet can get his shit together (ETA: 2525)

5 Star Projects: Currently progressing well. Should be up to modern time by mid-January.

Now for something completely different….

Currently I have been approached again by Cole. By accident mainly. He was in the 5 Star last night with a friend as I was working. We exchanged contact info again and started texting each other.  Then he came back to the bar a bit later and gave me my first kiss of the new year. Now lets set the wayback machine to about a year ago. Cole and I had started dating until I noticed that he stated on his myspace that he was dating another. I confronted him and he got angry and we parted ways, in a less than amicable way. Now again he returns with interest in dating. I will admit that the interest is there, however there is a lot of trust issues to repair. I will give him a chance but I am wary of anything that seems out of place. He states that he wasn’t dating and that it was a defense mechanism. I am not sure if I believe that but am willing to put it on the shelf. The 21 year old from Denmark may indeed redeem himself, especially with his willingness to keep things casual for now.

That puts the other 2 I have any interest in not necessarily on the chopping block. Ryan perhaps is the most likely to get cut down to just a social interaction, mainly due to the fact that he lives in Sacramento and I have no interest in living their again. Brandon is pretty much just a lunch date and fun social interaction at this point. Despite these two points however, I am not quite ready to say that they are set in stone as “just friends”, the world is a constant stream of possibility and I will not discount anything just because it seems improbable.

and now…..

New Years at 5 Star was crazy and successful. Much money was made and business was good. I am still drained from all of it though and defiantly have appreciated the slowness of last night. Security-wise we had little trouble this year despite the large numbers of people which I think is a good reflection on our clientele and their ability to behave themselves. It is unfortunate that the El Cortez cannot say the same….

Speaking of which…

I am done with the El Cortez. They completely have alienated the Karaoke crowd that comes down to sing and treats us like shit. So fuck them. I will not give them a positive recommendation to anyone again, in fact I will ensure that people who value my opinion avoid that shithole like the plague.  Tim if you are reading this I am sorry but I know you are in general agreement with me anyways so I hope this is not too big of a smack in the face.

So Happy New Year to all my social degenerates and madpeople. Let’s make this year the best/worst in history.

Imperialism NOW!

Christmas is now over.  Praise be to the Prophets!

My Birthday has passed I am now 26..

The birthday was rather fun in a “I’m too drunk to give a fuck about you silly queens” way. Several of my friends came down to the 5 Star and bought me booze. Lots of booze. So I was wasted for most of it. I recall that there were a lot of Mad Max references and toasts to being older but not as old as Steve. Towards the end of it the person who is having an affair with me arrived and we went over to his place. That exploded in a very interesting way. If you want the details please ask me. Despite popular rumor I do respect some peoples feelings and will not publicly slander these people.  Needless to say it was dramatically funny.

Christmas Eve was a dinner/breakfast with my parents. Then I came down to the 5 Star and watched an interesting set of circumstances unfold. First off there were these really cute guys at the bar. A little too cocky for my taste but my friend and manager Jay was interested (and dammit he deserved it, dare I say needs it) so he strikes up some small talk with them. Then, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, without warning, Scotty the Bartender swoops down and totally cockblocks Jay! Scotty already has a boyfriend thing and gets more than enough sex. Scotty is a greedy bitch! Unfortunately Scotty was not the only interested party in these kids.

Backstory: Halloween 2008. There was a lot of Woodchuck Cider on tap and I was the most smashed I’ve even been without vomiting in my life. I was also in heat. The first person I fixated on were Spencer and his boyfriend, whom I only knew in passing. We ended up going back to their place and having a 3 some. I was so drunk I have no idea if it was good or not, either way they never spoke to me again except in passing.

Now back to the story.

Spenser and his posse comes in and immediately attaches themselves to the boys. From the look in their eyes they were fucked up on E. They were trying to molest and suck on the boys as much as they could. One of the boys was really not amused by this. It got to the point where the posse was trying to lure the boys with promises of drugs and illicit activities back to their apartment. The one boy wanted nothing to do with it. Finally Spenser got really pushy (or rather pully as he was trying to pull the boy out of the bar) and the kid yelled at him and threatened him with bodily harm. At this point it’s past Midnight so Merry Christmas! Jay was still cockblocked and Scotty was still a greedy bitch but Christmas justice was laid out against a bunch of 30 and 40 somethings fucked up on drugs!

New Years upcoming projects:

1. Resolution: I will no longer have an internal monologue period. I will speak my mind no matter what. It will either be the most amazing year ever or I will get shot!

2. AIP: Classified

3. Monday’s: Graveyard shift at the 5 Star (soon to be manned by Nathan) will be attempting a Goth/Industrial music night. This is not the first time we have made this attempt. The goths/rivetheads in this town are fickle and whine too much. However we feel that this year might be a good time to make the attempt again. We shall see.

4. Game Project: Classified

5. DJ Executive Orders: S9 clearance required for information on this project.

In Conclusion: This year sucked, maybe next year will suck less. On the plus side I am now the weekend door security for the 5 Star. Go me! December is coming to a close. Praise be to the Prophets!

Well the El Cortez project may very well die in it’s infancy. Had a meeting with the owner and he wants a mixture of soul/r&b and modern pop in order to appease the under 25 female crowd. This was of course after he stated that he didn’t want the younger crowd in the first place (2 days prior). He still wants a lack of hip-hop but who knows how long that will last? I will be seeking out other bars who perhaps have less of a need for the top 40’s shit. Don’t get me wrong I can play that kind of music but there is a principle. I have sold out much to the modern Reno beast, I have played (and perhaps even enjoyed) music that I would not even have considered 2 years ago. But even a DJ has scruples and mine is turning into the very thing that turned Downtown Reno into the hole it is today. The line has to be drawn here! This far and no further!

Begin countdown now…

3…

2…

1…

My birthday is coming. Dec 22. I will be 26 years old rapidly approaching my late 20’s. I am not sure I have an issue with it per se. I do have an issue with the fact that I am not doing much more than DJing. The Grant Writing program at TMCC has been dropped down to a workshop, so therefore I have very little options left to what I actually want to do with my life. I think I need to live in a larger city, New York or SF (preferably New York) and see where I can make my fortune. I am rapidly approaching 30 and I think it’s time I left this city permanently to find my fortunes elsewhere.

The December depression has not been as bad as it has been in the past. It has not proceeded to the December death wish yet and we are getting a lot closer to the end of the month. This month has been terrible, don’t get me wrong, but I have been able to distract myself and cope better with events that have transpired. I keep feeling like I should do more with this site but so far I haven’t had much time for anything except to write in it. I might need to figure out a way to manage my time better. After December I will look into it more. For right now though things will just have to be what they are.

I am going to load up Adult Swim.com and watch the Venture Brothers from last week. I need a laugh.

The Lords are here!

It’s that that ladies and gentlemen for the list of bad things that have happened this week. You might ask yourself “How long could this possibly be?”. Well why don’t you pull up a chair, make yourself a hot beverage and listen to the bitching I am about to lay down.

1. Mom had to return to the hospital. You think it is routine to occasionally have to show up there when you are going through Chemo. She was there for about 4 days. Apparently her leg was starting to swell up, and it turned out that she had blood clots in her leg. She will need to take medication for it for the next 9 months. Even with insurance there is a bit of money owed for meds and the hospital stay.

2. Our Television died. It had been acting weird lately and finally it just stopped turning on. My parents decided that another TV is necessary (personally I don’t think we need one) so they put in more money for another television. Another big screen with HD*.  More money my family has spent this week.

3. My car battery died. Once again something that has been threatening to happen for some time. The -3 degree weather finally put a nail in that coffin. More money to be spent on replacing it. Plus an entire day wasted at the Wal-Mart waiting for the garage to put in the battery. Wal-Mart is inefficient and the employees are soulless automatons in a machine that has cogs running in opposite directions.

4. My cat has an abscess. It would be a very  simple thing (albiet more money) except that during treatment the cat is carcinogenic, so she has to stay at the vet for 4 days (equals even MORE money!)

This has all added up into an expensive headache for my family. We have had enough troubles thank you very much and we would thank to universe to stop taking a dump in our pool. My birthday is in two week and I don’t need anymore reason to dread this time of year than I already have.

On the plus side school is now over. My finals are done. However it appears that the whole school thing was wasted. TMCC no longer offers a certificate program for grant writing. All of the other majors they have available  that are worth anything (job wise) require a level of Math so beyond me that I would be in school until I was a little old man. So I will not be continuing on with my school. For the time being I will be concentrating on selling myself in both DJ and gaming projects hopefully making a large enough name for myself that I can get a constant stream of independent contracts. So very soon there will be an info page on this very site letting you know what gigs I am doing and when. Look for it soon! I will be coming to a record store and giving out Hot Dickings!

I’ll just be passing them out.

Hot!….

(screams)

DICKINGS!

* HD is the largest waste of technology I can think of. The only thing that looks good in HD is documentaries about very very pretty countries. Ones with lots of snowy mountains and lush greenery. Otherwise you just see blemishes on actors you may have once thought were attractive.

As winter approaches the desire to have a warm body next to you becomes a whole lot stronger. Right now I am not sure if it’s really a lover I am seeking more than just a full sized electric blanket that you can hold and cuddle. There are currently not many options I have for either right now honestly. They are either in Sacramento or quite busy or already have someone and are just enjoying the excitement of cheating on their lover with me. As for the blanket, they cost money I do not have. So currently I am left with the cold room and no body or body substitute for me to leech against.

I have been busy quite a bit lately. I stated this entry 3 days ago and just not got back to it. I am now the tech-admin for the 5 Star. I will be handling all the web based 5 Star stuff ( web-site, myspace, facebook, gay.com, and now youtube). We will be setting up a webcam to catch all the people dancing and enjoying themselves and placing them on the 5 Star Youtube channel. Shannon and I went out shopping for the webcam but did not find one yet that suits our needs. We are now currently shopping online for an appropriate one.

My December insomnia has begun to kick in, I have gotten maybe 13 hours of sleep this whole week. I am a bit frazzled and really don’t want to deal with much right now. Soon my December Apathy will kick in followed by my December Death-wish, if protocol is being obeyed.  My birthday is coming up on the 22nd. I will be 26 this year, and honestly I am very indifferent to the idea.

Got Karaoke in an hour so I will end it here and prepare for the scariness of the El Cortez.

You’re sleepy now.